oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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