I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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