I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
