Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
