Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
