im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
