no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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