He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
