i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
