I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize