Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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