Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
