I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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