mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
