I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize