you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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