I skipped work to stalk him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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