i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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