I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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