its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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