He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
