Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
