Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
