I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Say something about gay babies.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
