You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
