we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
