I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
