I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You made out with two different species that night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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