cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
