My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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