every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
