I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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