all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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