Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
