You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
