there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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