i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I did not marry a roomba.
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