i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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