I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
