just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's rum buckets o'clock
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
