Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
