At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
