best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
