Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
