I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
