you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
