to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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