you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
