u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize