The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
