In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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