Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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