a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He shit in the fireplace
Someone signed my nipple.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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