Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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