how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
