I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
