Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
