I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can I color on your dick again?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
