I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
