My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
