And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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