This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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