I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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