Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
