I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
