his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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