i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
