I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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